TREASURE CHEST - Belonging, dying to self & Pope JP2,

The journey continues…. walking home from church I knew the effects of yesterday were starting to take hold. I could sense that stillness upon me that makes me just want to be in stillness to listen, while at the same time move. 

Often I feel like there is so many different things to blog about, like I am not sharing all, however I know we can not share every moment as much as I would love to ;o) 

Embracing the moment I best start typing… 

I have decided there is a longing in everyone to belong; to find people who will accept us for who we are, not the labels that are attached to us, or the past we have lived or the future path we are one. I think that even if people are not religious they still long for this, for that belonging and attach onto where they can find. Which has implications, positive or negative is for another debate. 

The more I spend time wondering the stronger I realize that Jesus commanded His disciples three times to love one another. His revolutionary plan was to create a community characterized, above all, by love. He envisioned communities of ordinary people forgiving and accepting, empowering one another to follow HIm whole-heartedly. The most extraordinary community on earth was born: the church. 

Been apart of the church does give a sense of belonging, this is without question, yet there is more to the picture!! In the recent weeks I have come to the powerful conclusion that I must belong to myself in order to die to self which is called by from the Lord!! In this time of lent for me personally this is embraced, even with all its challenges to be confronted.  

Let me explain…. when I continue to dig this beautiful realization that the term death is not just referring to physically dying, but its that full depth, going the distance beyond where I am in control, and always beyond where I am now. No wonder its scary!!! 

In dying to self, we find genuine life by depending on the Lord who provides so much more than one can imagine. To die to self is to set aside what one wants in this moment rather focusing instead on loving the Lord with everything we have got; valuing others as highly as we value ourselves as it is taught in Matthew 22:37-39. 

I believe this moves us away from self-centeredness and closer to becoming openhearted followers, living a richer life with the Lord but also becoming more generous to others, reaching out to them with love and joy. 

The more I reflect back I realize that I made a very fundamental error when embracing the term 'dying to self'. I mistaken dying to self for, death of self; learning that self-denial is not self-rejection. Oh how the Lord treasure my divinely created self, no way would he want to obliterate the part of me that makes me unique. Becoming aware of my fundamental error opened this delightfully confronting way the Lord lets his light shine directly into the heart reshaping and renewing -in - Christ my self, one true self.  

This is challenging without doubt, felt myself asking questions like - Could I honor others above myself was one of the first questions I asked long ago on the journey. Could I be secure in God's love without recognition? Could I let God be in charge of my reputation? Was God's approval enough for me?

Been apart of the church, I believe, makes this journey of self release so deeply intertwined with Jesus that at times I stand breathless.

Its a gift though to find oneself... I remember reading Pope John II words 

"man cannot fully find himself except through a sincere gift of self." 

Pope John Paul II was given a cross that seemed so hugh in the last years of his earthly life. He continued to led the church, blessing us, as he gave his life, spiritually, emotionally and physically to the vocation the Lord called upon him. Not only gave himself however did so with radical abandonment as he entrusted his suffering to God. 

I can't help but link this into today, this mixed up world we live in, where physician-assisted suicide is considered brave, where killing oneself in place of facing a terminal disease is deemed 'dying with dignity' With foreseen knowledge genes are changed for 'prevention' or even terminate life before started. Oh how John Paul II example speaks volumes on all current issues. 

What if He had given up? Imagine if JP2 woke up one morning realizing he was dying; unable to function by himself and he could no longer do things he loved to do? What if this realization had led him to believe it wasn't worth it, that he would be less of a person, that he might as well take control before the body gives away from him?

Oh I cry at the thought, why anyone would take the gift of life away, how can one be so blind at the gift they are about to give others, why anyone would believe that taking control rather than trust, having faith is deeply moving. JP2 inspired others in the years before his passing, people saw him emanating light amid suffering; hold it as the most daring act of love. There no tears or pity words of poor hand dealt or label written above him of Parkinson's. Rather the holy man unable to feed or dress himself because of his tremors, having dementia and immobility was a man suffering, is remembered for his faith, for been a saint he was called to be embracing life and death with dignity letting his soul shine far beyond his body could. 

In his actions I can see that humble submission to the Lords will, turning tragedy and suffering into a total gift of self. What bravery it must take to realize that physical ability does not determine personhood. JP2 poured himself out even in the face of his mortality, giving and giving until nothing was left. Embracing that cross through every painful step of own personal crucifixion growing one step closer to eternal union with the Lord.

All this leaves me with a feeling of wanting to be connect to everything, so that I can experience divine, experience God deeper. Slowly Im becoming aware that everything includes experiences of pain - feeling the pain of the world is essential to our spiritual practice and growth. Without feeling theres rather a denial of delusion; we are called to bear witness to what is present, with open hearts to the pain of the world and wrap our arms around the brokenness.

I believe its so important to not just bear witness to what is present rather bear witness to what is possible. The potential of human longing for community and the promise of human quest for justice set this world only if we set them right! Mercy has a human heart, love takes human shape and peace. Let us never ever forget that where those dwell the Lord is dwelling too.

The journey continues…. 

"The way Jesus shows you is not easy. 

Rather, it is like a path winding up a mountain. 

Do not lose heart! 

The steeper the road, the faster it rises 

towards ever wider horizons." 

(Pope John Paul II )