Time making life become dessert (or carrot cake)

Yesterday I had a moment for a second was full of great joy, deep joy that makes you want to spin in circles in dance, sing a tune that lifts up in the air like a floating prayer. The air smelt like it did the first time I arrived here, what feels like years ago, there was a sense of adventure, sense of wonder just on the horizon. Opening the house door to love just flowing like a river, that warmth that floods your heart in an instant that no words would ever match that mystery. That feeling that happens in a plain moment in time when doing or been in the most simplest of task hitting you like a beautiful ray of light. 

The moment passes, looking up as if say 'thank you' to above, for making the world pause for a second leaving me wonder isn't it funny how at times we desire more time?… what we might do with it is another matter yet to desire more in the first place…. leaves a taste of ungrateful in the air!

Sometimes looking into my eyes I am alarmed at those seeking eyes. The one in need of time, that thing we can't buy and rises an alarming question of what people sell of themselves to get more of what they think they want, what sacrifices to seemingly gain. 

I can recall business partners saying 'time is money', justifying the urgency of business. This is not true though, seriously I wish I had the wisdom back then to say - Time is Life!

In Mark Buchanan book 'The Rest of God, Restoring Your Soul by Restoring Your Sabbath' I think he sums up time and the direct connection to our culture rather well…. 

"Bring in a hurry. Getting to the next thing without fully entering the thing in front of me.

 I cannot think of a single advantage I've ever gained from being in a hurry. 

But a thousand broken and missed things, ten of thousands, lie in the wake of all the rushing… 

Through all that haste I thought I was making up time. 

It turns out I was throwing it away" 

In New Zealand I recall watching an ad for insurance of a bull in a china shop, this image comes to mind here leaving me the message of haste makes waste as in our rushing we are rather breaking our own lives. 

The other day Sr. and I were talking about the changes in religious life, the reality and deep uncertainty that is present - I would argue not just for people living in religious communities yet rather for the church as a whole - For me, I view this with great excitement, great adventure is sitting on the doorstep wrapped up in mystery and wonder awaiting for it to be unfolded all in the Lords time. I love this, this delights my heart filling it, while at the same time having a deep awareness challenge is on the horizon. 

Someone made a comment to Sr. that those who lived in religious orders in the past 'may' view their life as wasted. I was taken by this comment, as how anyone can view a life responding to the call of God as 'wasted' is beyond my comphrension, also life itself is never wasted! 

This person might have been coming from the angle of the institutionalization of religious life has changed, the structures prevented individuals at times from using or sharing their gifts possibly has now been lifted.(this is a generalization, that I type) Yet as I know first hand and can see, there are so many connections between religious life now and then! Especially in terms of entering… I just need to think of arriving here having the sense if I brought enough gifts, have enough skills, do I need more or less, not to even mention what if my personality doesn't match their expectations… then there is the common thought as I have learnt everyone often thinks, when are they sending me home! All of these that were present hundred years ago are still there today! Yet this is rather a reflection on humans, as in all the similarities that I find myself in all often forget to put God in the equation! 

See time is time!! We race in a world addicted to speed, have moments into one unholy smear!! To be truthful I think the hurry makes us hurt, leaving a glistening sheer of pain on our eyes and makes the heart question WHAT FOR?? All the frenzied running seemingly towards something, could it be that we are in fact fleeing - desperate to escape pain that purses? (Onto something I know!) 

Honesty Lord, for me time, I don't want more rather I just want enough. Time to breath deep to take you in, time to see real and time to laugh long, time to give You glory resting in it, singing from the heart flooding the airwaves. Plus enough time to not feel like have to press, driven, or become apart of the illusion trap that is out there to get all done rather to be present, to witness and for me to take in the love that flows from the three or many souls living before me, that you have repeatedly proven hurrying only empties a soul!! 

Today I was confronted by the random question that came to mind out of nowhere, how long does it take your soul to realize that your life is full? The day that a drained, empty body stops and my soul catches up with it, then in that moment whom might I recoknize? 

Answer - is rather not another question, yet a reply with a hint of smile and ounce of glee that the slower the living, the creating the sense of fullness and satisfaction. The body and soul can then synchronize. A moment when full attention is given and received, a moment that is like a cathedral, God bursts time leaving me to only savor longer in whatever time holds. 

Slowly looking once again into those familiar eyes staring back is the unique shimmers of yellow, the sight of art, a beautiful art to live in the present moment. One that enlarges the heart ten fold and lets heaven be seen on earth… (its a journey I remind myself as its easy to type than do) Overall those I can honest say its like making life become dessert!!! (or for me, carrot cake ;o) )