No, not today!

I found myself sitting on the steps of Melbourne Flinder Street Station at four o'clock taking in the colorful atmosphere that surrounded me. There was a young guy playing guitar with this voice filling the air for all the passerby's to breath in, hear his God given talent. People embraced in hugs as they caught sight of each other eagery asking what the latest news was. Horses, trams, cars and buses continue to move about in-between the rush of people who had gathered crossed the road all at once. The city giving an image of idyllic and majestic yet with the sun starting to go down could easily see how the tone could change to dangerous, mysterious and dark. 

The morning started with an awareness of something missing, only later to realize it was the sound of the birds singing outside my window; their normal melody welcomes the day with praise and thanks. Sitting having breakfast I listen to the radio with a heavy heart, hearing the words that felt like the volume was turn beyond loud filling the room with the ego of the new prime minister stating that no way at any stage will people from Nauru or Christmas Island will ever, EVER, settle or step foot into Australia.  The words drew a heavy fog in the dinning room, leaving me with a sour bitter taste unable to finish my toast. What about those in detention centers I wanted to scream at the radio, what if they were your friends, loved ones I silently cried out. 

How can people be so hurtful towards others, how can they treat humans, their own brothers and sisters, as numbers rather than the beautiful creation they are. At times I feel like I am at the crucification beside Jesus standing there looking out to the crowd who are enthusiastic chanting 'crucify him' 'crucify him'. My whole body feels the pain of this moment, the tears well in my eyes with the disheartening realization that love for one another is not wide spread. I stand frozen in stillness crying out to My Lord, My God please help us. 

I set upon my journey to go to the detention centre to see a dear friend Lalia who I have written about before. We often text and talk, she has lost a bit of hope and was so excited to know that i would be coming to visit. The journey is long, taking bus, train, another train, walk/run. The centre is in the middle of no where on army ground. Its a temporary accommodation which was never designed for long term human living… Unfortunately I got the wrong train on my second connection, I realized and jumped off having to return back to the starting point to try again. I got to the centre 20 minutes late. I had text Lalia to tell her I was going to be a little late yet just wait and Ill be there. I got off the train and ran. As I ran, I thanked the Lord for the previous week that I have slowly been building up my running distance. I got to the centre and the guy on the door said that I was late. - No need to state what I already know I felt like responding - he went on to say that he wasn't going to let me in, I need to book again, come again. I try so politely to explain to him that I know Lalia is on the other side of the door, i still have 1hour 40 minutes left of the visiting time, to please just let me see her, say hello. All I want to do is remind her that she is loved and someone on the 'outer' world cares deeply for her. 

" NO, not today!!! " he replied and the prime minister voice came into my head speaking words of darkness! 

Walking outside I was fully aware of the stillness, the way I stood alone outside a man made death sentence prison; the chill sank to my bones as if someone was tracing the outline of my skeleton frame from within. I couldn't help but feel something sink or explode inside of me, leaving me wanting to shout yet all I could do was not fight, let the tears freely flow. Tears for the faces I don't need to see to hear their cries, tears for their pain that those faces I do see have efflicted onto innocent ones, tears for the helplessness that is overwhelming.

Recently I have had to learn the Australian anthem for school, the country sings; "for those who come across the seas, we've boundless plains to share". Ironically, it is in the second verse which is not often sang as perhaps this reveals the true attitude Australia has towards seekers of asylum. People - our brothers and sisters - flee from countries which are persecuting them, escaping for their lives only to be told they are a burden, that they are unwanted not only showing this in action with the living conditions harsher than those felt by convicted criminals yet also stripping innocent people of their dignity. Their resilience is tested, psychological damage done, makes it difficult for them to rejoin society if they are ever given a chance; these people can enrich our community greatly, it is time to treat our neighbors with the dignity and respect that all humans deserve. 

I phone Lalia and spoke to her, wanting to give her so much yet mostly just hope, hope and love. After saying our disappointment with the whole situation, the system, the barriers, all I could offer over was that it doesn't matter where we are, at least we know that our hearts will be connected in friendship. I could hear the tears on the other end of the line, a sweet soft voice added, yes our hearts are connected in love, love that I had forgotten what it felt like!! 

Continuing my walk back to the station asking the Lord to please be with me, be at my side and give me eyes to see what I am meant to be learning, in the moment all I feel is deep suffering and sorrow for my sisters and brothers. 

Thinking of Jesus, my thoughts jumped to his actions that spoke so many silent words … then I thought .... It is often that I forget Jesus didn't give food to the many without having receive the loafs and fish from a stranger; Jesus didn't return the boy of Nain to his mother without having felt his sorrow; nor did he raise Lazarus from the grave without tears and possibly even a sign of distress that came straight from the heart. Jesus entered into peoples pain, participated in the pain beside them, the solidarity in suffering and shared in the experience of brokenness. He cared, compassionately cared from a pure place of love, he empty himself deep down to the core of his been everyday so he could retreat to the Lord to be renewed. 

So I sat outside the train station watching the people walking past and been in the stillness that surrounded me. I felt a gentle reminder that we all feel pain in this life, but midst suffering the Lord is there, his present is there. He calls us to forgive our oppressors, to hear the cry of his people and take heart to know that he will transform us and eventually cause us to prevail for his kingdoms purpose - glory - Walking with uncertainty or lack of understanding is not easy, its like walking on water, a true account of faith, this I long for with all my being, I ask the Lord to "remodeled" me through feeling others suffering, to show me the way, help me to be faithful to all, to forgive all who hurt others and keep my eye on Jesus as I entrust myself to him.