Stealing a moment …

I have just finished reading Sacrosanctum Concilium - Constitution on the Sacred Liturgy - Vatican II. 

I am torn in two by it, struggling to place the text into context as the Church I know was very different to that pre Vatican messages shines out. Im left with the sense that a purely functional, pragmatic implementation of liturgy, art or even music, is a hopeless contradiction. Things of the soul must be touched only by those who have not lost sight of the soul. 

Catholic culture question is raised with my wondering how the cultural could be change on paper by scholars rather than been permitted to develop naturally among the faithful. I know that there is a sense of re-engineering the Church's culture from top-down system, which happens to fall into the conformity of ideological preferences of scholars…. My concern is rises from a destruction - or reconstruction, depending how you look at the picture - of the image which portrays the underlying Church, reflects that of the people. Right or wrongly when people walk into a church, the art and architecture instantly convey an impression of the religious devotion of that church. With the change in music and art alone, this leaves a bad taste of lost the distinctively Catholic elements losing the very essence of Catholic identity in a sense. Aspects of the church that were once admired even by those outside the Church had now been remodeled, reshaped. Music a very clear example replace polyphony with pseudo folk (genre unknown outside Catholic liturgy) is like one replacing fine cuisine with fast food. The result is a lost of that distinctively catholic feel, so the church finds herself Culture less, or even worst, ashamed of her great cultural contributions…. 

Did the Council not realize the countercultural suppression of the Church's musical heritage and the tremendous impact of artistic forms on liturgical experience and on Catholic identity…. 

THE LEARNING GOES ON…. 

I have stopped for a moment before I jump onto the Perfectae Caritatis document which I need to write a presentation on... 

I thought I would just write on my blog as Im aware time seems to move too fast to catch a breath, so feeling like stealing a moment to talk to you all at once! 

The institute has come and gone, apart of me felt distant as not attending the whole thing naturally made a difference to the amount I took away. A lot of laughs, closer connections to the guys and also companions which in essence is the richness that I have taken from the experience. 

The charism Im very blessed to be surrounded by and deepening my awareness with the sisters teaching me in their unique delightful ways. Its a journey ha!!! Next institute is in New Zealand… so you all will be able to meet some of the people I talk about and get to spend time with them - that is if your going ;o) 

At moments over the weekend I was taken by reality - reality of people at times narrow perspectives and the contentment in this. The reality that suffering of this world is so hugh that makes me sink to my knees, leaving me struggle for breath even at this time walking with that to Easter and resurrection! 

To think - there are people who lose their loved ones through man made war, man made error, man made hatred. 

Love of a man caring for his beloved, lifting her in old age like a limp rag doll, touching her with deep love to care for her. 

Babies on ventilators to breath the very air that our lungs naturally, unconsciously, effortless at times take for granted. 

What can one say…. my heart just fractures with the reality that is laying right outside my window, a whole smashed up world that is a mess, behind thin walls all the way down streets, all around me, 

this is at my door, this is in a world where love is just the key sitting in the palm of the everyones hand, awaiting for the fingers to wrap around it giving access to the very source …… no wonder at times its easy to feel like a place of 'hell'

AND THAT'S WHY HE CAME 

Today on the drive over to University, as Sister headed off on adventure to lead a retreat day, we got talking…. together we came to question the importance of Judas in the passion story. Was he really needed, was his small part in the story important…. 

Stating a few things, I said that really doesn't matter, if Judas was a parable or actually apart of the story; he teaches us that it doesn't matter the extreme damage we do to ourselves once we turn our heart back to the Lord he forgives and the love pours from Him. I

ts taught to us so much, that Jesus came to die for us, in whatever that form, Im sure if Judas didn't betray Jesus, leading the 'authorities' directly to him, Jesus would had taken another path to enable the greatest gift to us all, to die for US

Love will always cost us grief. Love is always worth the price!! 

This is a powerful statement, a powerful way to live.

I think that we all die a little very day in different ways, some more beautiful and life giving than others. In smaller ways and sometimes in larger ways. In all so unique ways enabling us to come just that little bit closer to the Lord with each death; allowing the vision to be cleared to witness to the leaking, the crying that is every so present… 

I listen as I type this to the wind moving the trees outside the window with force, the sound of the trees crying, just like the sound of it crying until Jesus hanged upon the tree. 

The world moans, listen, we are from earth and dust, we are apart of everything here on this earth, the trees moan is my moan… but HE HEARS the howl. The world smiles thin, HE TOUCHES the depth of our grief. The world moves on, HIS LOVE moves ME. 

He takes the nails, to take the pain as we unite in tears that the Lord collects when fallen …. 

His tears are so sweet, as the Lord acquainted with grief, He is intimately acquainted with us, with out thorns hidden and driven deep. We don't cry alone. 

Christ is nailed for love to wash wounds, our hearts are broken here for heaven's sake (I read this line somewhere and it stayed with me) 

….He took the cup and He gave thanks for it - begging all the world - 

DO THIS IN REMEMBRANCE OF ME. 

At moments when I feel my breath gone, when I feel my heart broken I just give thanks - 

Give thanks for the heart of the Lord who bleed with mine, as this is how at times I break, 

de-membered heart is re-membered. 

I remember to count the ways He loves me - 

Lent naturally allows the cries to come of the bloodied and limping, the bruised and the sinners, the howling and soundless - 

ALL OF US broken, we WILL remember to give thanks for His breaking and pouring out. This giving thanks is what RE-MEMEBERS us. 

My Lord is your Lord, My God is your God - as a lady at church says out loud before communion - declaring that My God is your God, My Mother is your Mother, my Father is your Father - (this is scripture I have learnt) 

AND through these very words I can see that our God is not a God to merely believe, but to experience, not to only believe in, but to be held in. 

The God who not only breaks for us - but breaks with us, 

The God to not only have creeds about - but to have communion with. 

The God who not only dies for us - but who cries with us. 

The God who touches us, binds us, blesses us, heals us

and re-members us because He let Himself be dismembered

and He is the God we not only believe in - but we know!! 

A lady at the Institute said the charms of the Passionist is standing in the shadow of the cross - I believe it is a little deeper than this, yet using her words though, this We KNOW, know beyond a shadow of doubt, death or despair. 

OH how the Lord touches our tears, cupped our broken hearts with His scars. The trees whisper in the howling "I know, I know. And I've come to begin the making of all things new" 

The experience of the Lord when He stretches open His arms on that Cross and cries….. 

For you, my dear loved one, for all your regrets, all your impossibles, 

for all that will never be or once was… 

You can't make right or get wrong… 

For your Judas failures and your Peter denials and your Lazarus griefs…. 

I offer to take the nails, the sharp edge of everything and offer you MYSELF - because I love you, I want you as you are, where you are, in your wild grief, anger, disappointment.. your wounds

I come for you, to hold you, to carry you, to literally SAVE YOU

How Lent has an effect on me, on my actions, my sleep, my communication and life in general. Its a period of draining of the heart this is without doubt yet renews it all at the same time.