Dis-appointment = God-appointment

Disappointment feels like a heavy rock sinking to the bottom of my spirit. I've felt disappointment in many situations - just like all of us - a relationship that broke my young heart, a door that didn't open, opportunities that didn't plan out, realization of a quality in me that I didn't even know I have nor like. The heaviest disappointments for me, however, stem from people. The space between our expectations and our reality is a fertile field; one of which is often a place where disappointment grows. 

The other evening I had my first youth event. After a Youth Mass, there was movie and pizza to bring together the grade five and six, plus other youth, to have a celebration together. A great way to start getting details and forming a youth group. 

The youth Mass was my project, completely in my element; putting together a wonderful celebration with lively music lead by a new youth band. I think that even Jesus would had been dancing in the celebrations. 

I will email photos and music to you all.

The after part - movie and pizza - left me with a heavy weight of disappointment. Mainly in the core youth group who either were not present or simply been completely out of their element so unaware what to do or choose to part - take, rather than lead. I was not aware of the lack formation or experience they had. At the end of the night it left me feeling like I had walked into the shallow end, with lots of restrains, pulls and hooks catching me; opposed to just been thrown into the deep, which would had given me room to swim, and come into my own. The disappointment has hit me hard in the days to follow, coming to terms with the events that happened.

I can not help but wonder if people allow their disappointments to color their view of God. They see God as an extension of people who are either short on commitment or are just lacking the knowledge, awareness to control things. 

For me, I know God had little to do with this, possibly even I am at fault with not letting go more, relaying on the spirit to guide, take control. I just need to think of the song/verse -

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want" (Psalm 23)

The Hebrew word for "want" is 'chacer' meaning - to lack, be without, become empty. Therefore if the Lord is my shepherd, I shall not become empty!! 

Words that speak to the heart, giving the beautiful image of not living in a constant state of disappointment, where circumstances leak me dry! 

It might be possible that disappointment can't be overcome, only endured. If this is the case then I believe that it is so important for everyone to remember we have something powerful on our side - HOPE and FAITH. Hope in Christ's love, hope for better days to come, hope to try again, hope in what is to unfold beyond our control or even beyond our plan. Its so essential to remember during the storm of life we can't let ourselves be troubled, after all we must remember with God there will always be hope among everything else He lays before us. 

In the past few days after feeling disappointed I have been highly aware of the beauty that is before me, in the simple things from the intricate spider web that is by our front door, that there is never any spider yet it glimmers and catches my eye every time I enter the house; a reminder that the Lord designs all creatures in different ways for different reasons. Or the trees that seem greener, stronger, the wind that feels gentle against my skin, the sun that beams down is broken with shade of objects giving relief to the brightness. Not to mention the pure beauty and love I have felt when returning home to the sisters to be embraced in a moment of disheartenment. 

It has taken me a few days to examine myself asking myself what I need to learn; maybe God has an appointment for me in the midst of this disappointment. If God wants me to see, learn, know or grow in some way while I work through this unmet expectation, I have to be open to hear this from Him. I have to make certain that my thinking and living is in harmony with God's purpose; it would be and it is so easy, to wander off the Godly path. I have moved pass that moment of dwelling on the word 'dis-appointment' to reshaping my mind set of thinking it as 'God-appointment'.

I guess all this just goes to show how faithful God is. I often am encouraged by Paul's words in Corinthians ' God, who has called you into fellowship with his Son Jesus Christ our Lord, is faithful.' (1corinthians 1:9) Paul sure knows how to keep things simple yet powerful. 

When I face my weaknesses, whether those weaknesses are character issues I have or are just my powerlessness in the face of events, I am encouraged to know that my destiny rests on the faithfulness of God. Im not fooled though, this doesn't mean I have no responsibility. It does mean that while I continue to grow in faith and obedience God's faithfulness protects me. 

'God is a refuge for us' - 

Understanding that faithfulness of God gives me strength to rise above every past circustance that leaves me disappointed. I can take His promise seriously and put my life, my future in His hands.