Worry vs Trust - authentic

Settling in has began, as much as possible. While I stay in one house for a few weeks until Sister returns from her vacation, to move into the other house. After a few months then we all move house to another district. So settling is not something I am planning to do for a while. In saying this though, routine I have started to fall into, after much needed sleep I am fitting into the schedule that is presented. Along with this, during the day there is ‘downtime’ as I would term it. There are pockets during the day to dwell in prayer, or sleep depending on the body. I have started a ten day retreat using the book by Marina Wiederkehr “The Song of the Seed”.

First day is dwelling in worry vs trust. In image present itself to me of a story I heard when with the Sisters of Compassion - in Wellington. For those not from New Zealand, the Sisters run a soup kitchen in the heart of Wellington where anyone and everyone can come to have a meal together. The focus is not only on providing the need of food, it also interconnects individuals into communities, creates a welcoming place where sharing in a meal is like sitting at the table with brothers and sisters. I was fortunate enough to help out there while I stayed with the Sisters. One Sister showed me around and stopped at the statue of St Joseph, who was placed on a high shelf. It was here she said that their devotion to St Joseph is so strong, from their founder to today. If there was not enough of one food group, like potatoes, the Sisters would put one at the feet of St Joseph then the next day out of no where there would be a delivery of potatoes. 

When I heard this, I was touched by the devotion, the faith and trust the women had in offering, asking and knowing within them that their request will be granted by the Lord in ways that no one can explain. 

For me this story that I carry with me, teaches me so much about worry and trust. It is a living example of the power of prayer, the power of asking and you will receive. Sometimes though, I have to question in todays world where there is a disproportionate relationship between worry and trust …. 

Recently I have been trying to gather all my photos together and put onto my hard drive from different sources. I was making a slide show to send to my sister in memorial of our time together, when I noted that the editing I was doing to brighten colour, cut photos I didn’t like, altar things, all known as photo shop!! When playing paparazzi to our own life, editing and filtering the bits and pieces we allow others to see, are we really letting each other get to know the real self? 

Would you know that I struggle, have bad days and doubts, that may family disagree and spend more time apologising than posing for photos? If you were to meet me in real life, would you be surprised at the difference in what you thought you knew about me, or the similarities?

Leaving me pondering if in real life and online can we be women who live unfiltered lives? Not a call to use words carelessly, over-share, or end all creativity, but to say “Here I am. Just as God made me.” Can we share the good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful and bring Gods glory through our authenticity? Can we be women who embrace imperfection?

Can we say 

I struggle with anger but trust God to give me peace

I’m insecure but believe God’s plan for my life is good. 

I’m not a strong speaker but know that the Lord will give me the message

I worry but have faith that the Lord’s way is best

I am not perfect yet know the Lord will fill in where I am weak

Behind the screen, inside the carefully chosen photos, status updates, brief meetings via video call and blog posts, while we pick and choose the pieces of our lives we share, there is freedom and fellowship when we remove the filter of ‘fine’ 

There is a great beauty that goes beyond our comprehension of what its like to share victories, the big and the seemingly insignificant so we can cheer together. To see photos of the beautiful party and mess that is left when everyone leaves so we can relate to a heart that cares more about people than perfectly swept floors. Want to hear the words of concern so we can carry the load together. To be women who choose to share authentic lives that are filtered by nothing more than the grace of God. By simply doing this, I believe that worry will be a thing of the past, something that is offered up and replaced by trust so deep, so rich, so life giving that it becomes addictive to be the true selfs we are created to be. 

Sitting at the bus stop singing a song we had in our heads and laughing. 

Pure happiness the way it should be all the time, no worries 

complete trust in the moment. 

Love you sisie.