Here and Then

As my eye lids peeled open today to the peak through to check if it was morning, the sun was shimmering in trying to dance on the floor before me. No 4am start today, sleep in was much enjoyed! The girls were invited to sing at a special mass for the souls of the departed for one very large family. This mass took place under the church - we would say first floor - where there was a room painted like a landscape scene your would see in a children’s play centre or reading room. There were rows of small boxes of ashes, and this is where we celebrated Sunday mass today with the girls voices playfully bouncing off the walls and flowing outside.  

It was an experience, while my limited understanding of the language allows me to drift into my own thoughts at times. I was left remembering those in my life who have been inspirational at different moments and have passed away. 

My nana who I still have delightful images of her. I remember when my sister was been born, nana was giving me a talk how it was going to be a lot different, have to help more and be responsible. While she was talking we were hanging out the washing, or rather she was while I was on the clothes line swinging around!! Very mature four year old!

Our high school principle who passed away last year. I remember the long talks about becoming catholic, questions of every kind and colour. I remember her teaching me about tall poppy syndrome after requesting please not to be acknowledged in school assembly as I had been praised three times in a row. I also remember her office, the smell and see her sitting while talking, once talking about relationships which she told me that while I will not fully understand yet remember that been lonely in a relationship is a lot harder than been alone. Great wisdom that I treasure even to this day. 

I remember this older man Mr Brown. He use to bike every where on a bicycle with a wooden crate at the back. He was a gentle soul, very kind, always sat and talked with me when our paths crossed. I do not remember too much about him only that he had a happy heart, beautiful soul. 

Another lady I remember was an older couple, the wife was dying of cancer. I would have been maybe seven, I can not remember the reason I went to their house, however I do remember her husband telling me she was sick. I asked my mum to get flowers and we could go drop off and hope she got better. I didn’t know at this time she had cancer, nor what cancer was. We had a cuppa tea, she was a beautiful lady, very kind and loving. She wrote me a card to thank me for the flowers and passed away the following week. 

Day four of the retreat takes me on a wonderful path of dancing like a child. These are just a few examples of people I have been touched by on the journey, especially when younger. More than I realised in the moment I was connecting with them. 

Child like faith is rare to come across, in this information age, the journey for knowledge has become the driving force in our society. Faith gets pushed aside in exchange for internet wisdom. If you haven’t been bitten by the know-it-all mentality, you simply haven’t let your fingers do the walking across your keyboard! Do you want to find out how to build a house, take apart an engine, or stay up on the latest news? Google is your friend! You can instantly become an expert in almost any field. So if God tells me to, ‘Go,” my first instinct is to research on the web for direction instead of trusting His voice. 

While I dwell in these thoughts, reminded by the pop up ads, loud speakers with people selling or telling you what to think. I am reminded that through living with this childlike faith, you are living by making bonds that grip my heart. 

Sometimes suffering has a way of exposing our theology, certainly our practical theology, where what we believe about God collides with where we live. My heart always hurts a little when hearing someones story their response is to question God’s goodness. 

Maybe suffering makes faith more childlike, more simple. Our ideas of God are not necessarily made bigger or more grandiose through suffering, but rather they are simplified as we wade through the unknown of what comes next. Life is full of unknowns. The truth is that one of us know what will tomorrow bring, that is why we are remind to not worry about tomorrow just stay in the present moment. 

My childlike faith that I held, my witnessing child faith and been around young children reminds me of the great richness and beauty in relationships. Happiness is in the small things, paying attention to the precious gift of today should be our starting point for having child like faith. 

Dear Lord, thank you for the blessings that I have, the friends, family, relationship and even the material possessions I own. But Lord, please let my heart not rest in these. Let my heart not grow hard or grow weary when You decide that something should be taken from me. May You forever be my ultimate rock and resting place. In Jesus name… Amen.