Villa Pacis - Belfast

This morning I woke to the sounds a birds outside the window, to traffic on the road of people going about their normal daily lives; plus to the front door lightly closing as my friend left to go to work. A tear appeared with the realization that in a few days this will be gone, the familiar comforting sound that I have grown to cherish everyday….  I will be gone … gone on a new exciting journey. 

The sense that time is going fast is present while at the same time I have much thanks to give to those who are dear to me which leads me to thoughts of goodbyes. Hard to believe five months ago I was so eager to leave wanting to start my new journey however the Lord had other plans as in the past five months the lessons that I have learnt, the people who I have meet plus spent time with has been about some of the greatest lesson I have ever learnt. Patience is a hard thing to learn however what an amazing reward it can produce… 

I have come to the conclusion that goodbyes are emotional. I have been taught that showing emotion is showing a flaw, especially if tears are shown means you have a weakness. It is only just recently that I have realized that this teaching which is in grained in me is so extremely appalling , in a way that is just fundamentally wrong. Goodbyes should be short for "God be with you" as I know I will continue to hold all my dear friends in prayer and thoughts of love. It can be a beautiful moment to say thanks for the what others have done for you, for their love they have given. What a fool to miss an opportunity to say thanks!!

There is a handful of people that I just do not know how to say bye to. These are the ones so close to my heart that have given me the greatest gift of bring me closer to Christ and also letting me be me, discover me and loving me. It does my heart proud to have such spirited, passionate people in my life and who walk beside me to brave the storm to overcome it. 

I am gently reminded of Luke Gospel - Jesus said, "If you're not willing to take what is dearest to you, whether plans or people, and kiss it good-bye, you can't be My disciple." 

i have a calling, a great calling that when I stop take a moment to gently remind myself where Im going all my worries melt in a second because I am not leaving my dear loved ones Im just taking them with me in spirit. 

I guess this is the first time in all my life that I actually have a deep sense of love towards people in my life that I just don't know how to tell them what they truly mean to me. 

Therefore I have come to the conclusion, I must embrace this experience, not run, hide or turn the other way … its a bit like music… music for me at its core, lives in a place rooted in an existence all of its own. Its an extension of inner raw emotion and imagination. An honest and brave place of self expression and connection to who I am as an individual. It can be a form of escape, an outlet of  emotions or a place where I can pull people together and unit as one. It provides a home in one way, makes a family, a language that everyone speaks and theres the beauty of it, its why everyone is drawn into it, inspired in the first place.

Its a beautiful and special thing, getting to meet so many people along the way when you use music as a form of communication .. other artist, talented creative beings who share the same love of being inspiring other artists - inspiring each other. Simply because we can't live without it in our lives. 

Goodbyes are very much the same… Im enterally thankful that the Lord has called me his servant to do just that serve his people and can only look to his word for strength "I can do everything God asks me to with the help of Christ who gives me the strength and power" (Philippians 4:13) Lord is never going to call us to give up something we care about and then say your on your own now, good luck just do the best you can!! 

Oh how the Lord and his divine enablement are going to be with us all every step of the way… scripture tells us this over and over again. 

I take amazing comfort to know that the Lord presence is all around me and when I need the words the Holy Spirit will gift them to me, when I am struggling all I need to ask for is comfort and Lord will not hesitate to comfort me (or anyone) when we are suffering as a result of trying to please Him.