The beauty in the shadow

Age gifts you wisdom, I don’t think anyone would question this. I am still young - ish - yet at times can feel my age also. With the recent change of culture, change of age in companionship some familiarity of everyday concerns have taken me by surprise. 

A couple of times I have caught the girls trying to give wisdom / advice that has a tone to it that I would have brought into when I was their age. 

“Stay out of the sun so you won’t get even darker.” 

“You should go on a diet” 

“Your dark, need stay indoors to become whiter” 

The other afternoon I found myself standing silently in front of the mirror with the thoughts and opinions of others echoing through my head.
All I could hear was negativity and judgement. A sense that the message they are giving each other is one of “looks are not enough, body is not enough. I/You are not acceptable”

I struggle with this, I struggle to express in the moment of what their limited english is giving out, to understand the tone, the depth of possible perception and the danger that is present. While in saying this there is a tone of teasing, joking and laughter that always comes with the comments. I know there is a cultural difference and so conscious of this not to impose mine upon theirs rather listen and understand. 

This stayed with me for a few days, I was hanging out my washing watching the familiar shape of a sparrow dancing across the exposed power lines and playing as his shadow danced along side him. The familiar sight in an unfamiliar environment. 

I realised in that moment, that the truth is, there’s a lot of blind faith in what we do - a lot of ‘unseen’ Much of the time we are stepping out in trust, launching into the deep as I term it! Hoping that whatever we have to offer resonates with others, but not realising that as we step out we too create shadows, reference points of hope, marking spaces that declare - 

Here. Here, see? You can make a difference. 

Simply showing up and planting our feet on the ground where we believe the Lord wants us to be inspires others to ‘show up’ too. 

The girls remind me how easy it is to see others’ strengths and measuring them against their own weaknesses, so they don’t need to see their shinning. 

On the other hand there is always this play on how to serve in the waiting. Figuring out how to show up in the tension, in the unknown, in the developing that shape can not be identified. In saying all this, the beauty that shines through is been witness to those who do show up, to the humility that is present we make tentative steps, creating shadows that look like hope. 

The learning of a language illustrates this, while having confidence is essential, it is just that first step to try, to make a fool of yourself and be corrected. I have to admit that I get one girls name wrong nearly everyday day as in my mind I am speaking english - hang - while in reality there is no ‘g’ having a completely different word! The patience, the laughter, the acceptance and the pure delight to see I am even trying is the shadow that opens up the invitation to respond in english. This relationship forms so naturally as the vulnerability gives way with compassion, love and encouragement. 

It has been a little stormy lately, on a few levels with a witnessing of personality difference. Plus the rainy season has lived up to its name! I have come to realise through all this that while at times the ‘shadows’ are harder to see during these moments, it is a vital part of our faith in making way for others to come up, for others to even outpace us. Empowering those who share our path, at times, feels sacred to me as the path we are on leads to the same place - straight to the heart of the Lord. It is the way home, to wholeness and restoration, life…. 

At times the ease comes of forgetting we don’t need to be caught in the shadow rather trying to create them, creating a finish product. While right where we are, in this exact moment in time, is where difference is made! A difference making life isn’t created from abundance of success yet from small moments of influenced marked along the way. 

Over the past few days, it has been a pure treasure to realise the depth of what we offer even in times when what we give feels small, we can not begin to fathom its impact. The feeling of been weary and not feeling like showing up, gives way to the shadow of the essence to take heart. It is not our shining, finished product that inspires others, but our surrender in the middle of progress.