Show review - 13 Reasons Why - Embrace this unique opportunity for dialogue with youth

There are so many post to be written and put up, as the past few weeks have been full of special guest lectures, day workshops and more to come I have a notebook full of gems wishing to be brought to life … so much to tell. So Im going to start to try get the fingers typing when have a moment. 

First though… I wanted to just put out there my views, thoughts and rather protest against older generation been dismissive of the younger generations gravitation towards the serious - 13 Reasons Why. 

Im not certain if its reached the shores of NZ, however know that its starting to spread its popularity here in Australia among youth. 

’13 Reasons Why’ is based on the best selling author Jay Asher’s 2007 young adult book of the same title. Actress and pop star Selena Gomez co produced the thirteen episode series that seems to be an internet hit opposed to general television viewing. 

I first learnt of it from our youth worker, who implied it was a sin to watch, it was rather additive and soul destroying!?!… leaving me question so much by the reply… 

Before I jumped online to research and watch I asked the Sisters about it, with the expression of agreement there would be little harm in watching! Im very aware of the present legalisation before the government for euthanasia and following this topic very closely. I was recently at a lecture on how we can translate this importance of clarifying terminology, church teaching and what the implications are, in a youth friendly manner. Here in Australia assisted suicided is the term often used instead or right beside euthanasia… so the timely release of this series is somewhat questionable while somehow culture driven I am left to ponder… 

To catch those up that are not familiar with what Im talking about - 13 Reasons Why - is a series that explores the aftermath of a teen’s suicide, in which she leaves behind 13 cassette tapes explaining the reasons why she made the difficult decision to kill herself, with each episode corresponding to a tape, and each tape targeting a specific individual at her high school. 

One just needs to search the google fields to learn that there is plenty of opinion pieces written about the important examination of suicide, depression, loneliness, bullying and varying perspectives and understanding of those perspectives. While at times I feel that we need to sensor our google filtering, it is worth reading and understanding these messages. There is a lot of professionals who have written to the general public to be aware of the effects of watching this series, even though it may be fiction, if a youth is vulnerable or confronting a situation they should not be alone or without having a conversation about what they experience by watching. 

I can not emphasise how important this show can be for the ‘older’ generation, for parents, grandparents, family, friends and all between. Lets face it times have changed, the school system we were confronted with is far from a norm today, might even be seen as ‘black and white’ days - this how much the system has changed. 

This series offers a gift to get insight into what teenagers are confronted with in the school system today, in the complexity and rather harsh social culture that is presented, not just in American culture, yet has so many realities and transfer trends in a lot of different cultures throughout the world. It is miss opportunity for adults to term this series as a glorifying of suicide, rather, it is a very raw insight into the complexity of one individuals experiences that are not isolated events. There is a process happening, a witnessing of what one would leave behind, one would misses when only viewing the world from their closed inwards view at times. I feel its a very unique blessing parents have been gifted - a little on silver plate really - to be able to sit beside their sons and daughters, watch together and talk about reality for them, reality of the school setting and self development. It gifts something to share time together, to share an experience that rather than the adult teaching the child the roles are reverse and it is the child modelling, explaining and sharing their view on life. 

Personally Im taken by the protest that adults have towards this series;  I was at a workshop day when a grandparent spoke of her delight in her granddaughter asking for the book for her birthday. Grandma been delighted to get her grandchild away from technology, away from ‘the screen’, receiving an actual book, paper bind, tangible book, what a joy… only to come into conflict when realising the book is all about suicided. On asking her adult children what their opinion was, their response was to google it. To the grandmother disguise of the book / tv series topic, reading others review, opinion she decided that it was best not. Retelling her experience she went on to say that the school which her granddaughter was at, sent home a letter advising all parents that this series was very popular among students and advised that they watch as a family, or in control setting as does deal with intense topics. There was a warning in the letter, that students will find a way to watch so encourage to do with family or in peer setting with supervision. My sense is that this family dismissed the advise… 

Just want to put out there now, before I keep typing… that I don’t believe suicide is an “answer”. I believe in the church teaching on this topic, that we are all a beautiful reflection of our creator, a gift of life that should not be ended in times of great darkness. I do believe though that no one should be in those moments alone, leaving me sense at times deeply for those who come to the point where they wish to end this gift, as we as a community have not reached them at some point on their life journey. NOW it is a very complex topic, simplifying as I have just done above feels a little unjust to the topic and individuals, my apologies for this, however to keep this post from been an essay Im going to leave it there, hopefully you can see where my heart is, what I follow …. 

This series allows the viewer to follow teenager Clay, who is given the tapes which have been previously recorded by his classmate and friend Hannah explaining why she killed herself. Kind of a podcast using an old format enabling her to speak from the grave. Clay listens to one tape at a time learning how Hannah felt someone in her school was a reason she made her tragic decision. Leaving the sense that the viewer listens to the tapes at the same pace as Clay, which took Clay a few weeks in the show’s timeline to get through. 

But there is a catch of sorts, Clay is not the first person to listen to the tapes. In fact, about ten other people have listened to the tapes before him, and through the series we learn that they didn’t take their time with the tapes as Clay is. Some even said they devoured all of them in a night. I will note here, that it is not just students that are given the tapes, there is the school counsellor who Hannah reached out to seek help to be turn away or in Hannah view belittled. There also was a second set of tapes made, Hannah entrusted them to another, in assurance that their would know what to do with them.

There is an easy parallel to make between how teens of this series consumed Hannah’s tapes and how youth today watch television. Clay had an entire “season” dropped on his doorstep at once, leaving him with the choice of how to handle this unknown property. Presenting a reality that too often youth are given freedom, given choice with no foundation to pin their decision or hold a processing within them. 

 Youth reactions was with some binged, some didn’t . And what we see is how frustrating it can be to have a normal conversation about anything, something as serious as a friends suicide or something as asinine as whether or not Superman is truly atrocious - when people are not on the same page. 

Translate this over to reality - in terms of how youth are approaching it alines with what is already presented in the show… 

The very nature of the series as been seen by youth is to watch the thirteen episode in one binge session. This is rather a layer upon the many complex layers already present, the characters in the show itself creates a world where binging is not only the norm, but it actually makes the world a better place. And those who don’t binge? They get left behind or become social outcast…. now this is a very strong indicator of our consumer instant culture that is so present today. How present within the school walls? Im not a student so can not suggest an answer!

As the show progresses there is countless times when Clay is screaming at someone else about something he just heard on a tape and the only response the other can make is, “Just keep listening” Reminds me a little of Facebook or tweet, the constant notion of updating posting with location and what is happening. It’s frustrating for Clay, its frustrating for the other person, and its frustrating for the view to watch. Why don’t you just listen to the damn tapes, Clay? Why was everyone else - including people who didn’t care about Hannah as much as Clay did - able to listen to them so quickly? Simply put, Clay listens to the tapes incorrectly, the show would argue. 

Mirroring the dead-end conversations we have on a daily basis with television watching, friends who are more just black dots creating patterns in word form on screens. It seems rather than reading novels and getting so intertwined with bring the words off the page into a true human character that your imagination places one into the scene, rather a single stream dialogue is a new natural norm. 

Clays tardiness behind his peers creates all sorts of awkward situations. He started to photographing nude nerds, he “fells off his bike’ and onto Bryce’s fists, and those who had already listened to the tapes form a club to stop Clay from doing something stupid. The fact that if Clay had just listened to the tapes at the same speed everyone else did before him, much of the trouble that occurred could have been avoided and the results would have been the same - they just would have happened a lot sooner, which Im sure would please some viewers. 

This, in my opinion, is the most richest gifted insight that we- adults - will ever have of what truely goes on within the dynamic peer social setting. Even as teachers, we do not see the playground dynamics, hidden implications of peer to peer dialogue nor the deep witness to every individual that is before us. In my limited years of teaching pastoral work, individual wellness, or as termed in my early days - social work - is a rather large part of been a teacher. its not about been present to deliver information in a relatable way, rather its about asking the questions, not necessary answering them and holding each student as an individual, acknowledging, empowering, embracing and challenging for growth on all aspects. No easy task!! 

Every tape delivers a topic to be addressed. For example, one tape is gossip, some of the “kool boys’ create a rumour (false image) of Hannah, only to have it spread like wild fire within her peer group and school. It comes back on Hannah how she discerns the rumour, what response or reaction she has, as there is an inner struggle if she will accept this image, brush it off and play the game. Or will she stay true to herself, knowing that what is told is false and she doesn’t want anyone to think of her in those terms. We know that she is hurt and her perception as we are listening to her talking via the tape. Therefore we, as viewers, are gifted to see the other side of the story. The part of the other who created the hurt through action, in this case the rumour. How they see it, their part in the role and if they will embrace, take ownership of their actions or dismiss them. There is a display of inner turmoil, of vulnerability with moments of trying to conform to their peers perception. 

We can see the process of grieving, very strongly by her parents who follow their inner knowing of their daughter, believing of her innocence, of an incident to get to the point their daughter did, clinging to any little slice of hope or presence of their daughter. Taking their ownership in the whole picture also when information came to light. We can see all that Hannah left behind, a very complex trail of her protecting her friends from confronting experiences they didn’t wish to share or believe to be true. From embracing situations that often youth find themselves in, like been at a party, the implication of been drunk, youth images of their parents, parents demands, expectations of relationships, interactions and self expectations. 

As adults we are can see the unspoken messages, which at times possibly youth will miss, or not be so obvious to them. Therefore, yes discussion around this program can be a great gift to open awareness and even give tools for youth today dealing with small or similar situations. 

There is a display of all sides in this series, it is not about a girl who committed suicide - with graphical images of rape, suicided, bullying. NO, the graphical images are not worst that what youth are watching, I have a very soft heart and watching it I have seen worst on the news! It is though, a story of the interwoven complexity of life journey. The relationships that are present in lives that are projection of other issues that often you have no idea about. There is a large list of issues that are addressed, in very real, youth friendly relational relatable terminology. 

We live in a world where the idea of live television and the universal audience is dying, or probably already dead. The panic and confusion of talking to others while being behind on a big show is indescribably frightening, but 13 Reasons Why, is the first show to go meta and capture that feeling, whether that was its intention or not. - so it seems. 

My ask would be for adults to look beyond the normal Hollywood perception of this just been another movie or program, look beyond the word suicide and rather open up to the unique offer this gives for you to connect on a level that is often never given time nor dialogue to. There is so many resources out there to read up on if feeling a little out of depth, however, entrust in the Holy Spirit, watch with your youth and review it like a movie. Review it with open questions about how much of it can be transpired over into our culture, into the now, into the school system. Ask for stories, tell stories, use your personal experience or get youth to describe theirs. Just don’t dismiss this because of whatever reason, at least allow yourself to watch, be informed before making decision…..