Paul teaching human helplessness

It’s usually very subtle. Sometimes I’ll think about something I want to do or want, or sense God calling me to, and I’ll just get that awful, insecure feeling. Out of the blue, uncertainty will wash over me as doubt whispers to my heart. 

Too many times I’ve gone along with my doubts, without realising what I was doing I agreed with my insecurities. 

For years, I didn’t tell anyone about my self-doubt. I figured if anyone would know all the reasons I doubted myself, they’d notice flaws I had worked hard to hide. (so I believed I had hidden) And honestly, I thought I was the only one who struggled with doubt at times. 

But I would never call it doubt! Sometimes I call it worry, worried I would disappoint someone, worries I might make a mistake and get criticised for it, worried I’d start something that was beyond my ability to complete .

Sometimes I would call it fear - fear of not measuring up, fear of rejection, fear of looking prideful by thinking I could do something special for God. 

It makes my stomach turn to think about all countless times my feelings become paralysed by fear or worry, but the source was often hidden in my own self-doubt. Another way I view this, is the lack of self esteem, self awareness, has caused bruises or scars within, that sometimes get hit upon. 

There is something comforting in knowing that it is only through our brokenness that we become whole. In recent times I have seen hearts been bashed in still beat, while some souls that have been sliced still sing. Spirits sucked all but dry still cry out for water. We hurt. We heal. We move on. For those of us who walk with Jesus, we often feel stronger after we survive a trail, because brokenness leads to wholeness. 

Yet some cuts sever so far into our core that we’re fooled into believing they are better long before they actually heal. The cause of the pain varies with often carrying several knotted balls of hurt inside without even realising they are there, until something nudges them to the forefront. 

This had got me thinking that the special blessings in Pauls life scripture (2 Corinthians 12:1-10 ) is saying the same, rising awareness to the danger of fear, because in that moment we are tempted to look away from the Coss of Christ and the sufficiency of his grace, to our own achievements for justification.  

I sometimes feel society has this notion that our fallen nature craves self pity. Seeking admiration from others or in love with the concept superhero, because we want to be one! Success is often known while failures are hidden. Since people who achieve remarkable things earn favour of others, its so tempting to believe that they earn the favour of God as well. This is the last thing Paul wants people to believe. Paul knew better than most that its’s human achievements that showcase the grace of God. It is human helplessness. 

This human helplessness can be seen in our scars. So vividly illustrates Paul message in a flesh, digestible word for me. I wonder if perhaps that’s what Paul was describing when he wrote about the ‘thorn in his flesh” We can never know for certain, but it seems possible at least that he might have been referring to the subtle reminders of unflinching agony inflicted years before. When we become too sure of self power this is when we experience ’throne in our side”. This includes struggles with intellectual pride, grandiosity, lust, greed, or even physical handicap or illness. It is only when we acknowledge these painful obstacles that make us lean on Christ, make us turn to the Cross for strength, for hope, for courage, for growth! It is then the ‘throne in our side’ bring us to be humble, bring good to us. 

It is through this weakness that we can embrace the Lord power in us making it available and visible. 

Sometimes healing takes a long time, even after we’ve asked Jesus to take care of it. 

And for as painful as it is, scar tissue can be a gift. When it is hit and recognised, that pain provides an opportunity for the next level of healing to begin. Scars may look and feel ugly, but they can also be beautiful blessings. 

I have to admit that my journey has taken me on a path of awareness of my own scar tissue. At times whenever someone brushes up against my scar tissue, I find myself beginning to pray. 

Sometimes I pray long and hard and sometimes I can only lovingly and pleadingly whisper Jesus’ name, but I know Who I need and I know I have not been abandoned with my pain. 

While Jesus can heal deep pain all at once, sometimes the healing is steady, but slower moving than we’d like. I often remind myself of this, reminding myself I am not alone and not forgotten. Im so loved and every scar scratched on my heart is seen. 

Paul challenges us not to let our minds be conformed by the patterns of this world, but to be transformed by the renewing of our mind. (Romans 12:2) But how do we know if we’re being conformed or transformed? Our doubts tell us!! 

It is through the world patterns of thought telling us our worth is measured by our productivity and performance, our size and status, how many friends or followers on social media we have. 

BUT Jesus says our worth has been establish in Him. It’s not based on what we have or what we do. Yet again we are going around in circles, with this theme again present of self doubt! Sometimes its so easy that the patterns of thought are tangled up in threads of unbelief. Instead of going a long with natural inclination to feel overwhelmed and inadequate, sometimes its easy to look for truth to re-pattern thinking. 

“I can do all things through Christ, who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:13

This verse comes to mind and speaks loud volumes. Lords promise is woven into the fabric of my thoughts, reminder that I can do all if I depend on the strength Lord promises to give me. And sometimes I need it!! Its one step at a time, leaning into His understanding and not mine, Lord transforms my perspectives by renewing my mind with an unexpected peace and confidence. Its a process of letting Lord slowly change the pattern of my ways. 

The ways of the world - doubt, fear and worry - are powerful forces. But Lords Word trumps them, always! Its a gift of invitation for Him to change my mind by replacing my confirmed thoughts with His transforming truths, remembering that “He who began a good work in (us) will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus” (2 Corinthians 5:17