Asking the shadow to leave

I climbed into bed, exhausted with a weariness of the soul that comes from an unexpected burden. The evening events, words and people of the day left a numb and speechless feeling in the air, with sleep been the farthest thing from my mind, my heart hit the pillows with the chill of the November night pressed against my skin.

In the afternoon, there was a sense of hurriedly pace, essay completion, music lyrics sent for Sunday mass, dinner to be prep and eaten, meetings to be attended and the completing of the preparation for All Souls Feast Mass that was to take place. 

The evening air had a warmth in it, a gentle indication that summer has not forgotten to peak through and is on its way. A warmth of refreshed air that tenderly hit my exhausted tender skin as I left the church after a long evening. 

Sometimes things come without notice, having a way of sneaking up on me, jumping out from behind a corner and startling me into a place of raw disbelief. Such was the case yesterday, when my eyes witness while my heart was hit by the force of ones actions. 

The tale is a little ironical in a sense; as I greeted members of our parish community as they enter into the gathering space. Holding a hand full of love, full of red love shape paper for them to write their deceased loved ones names to bring up during mass as part of a ritual. Giving these hearts to those who walked through the door, was like giving a small piece of love, small expression of tender compassion to celebrate together the memories and gift the Lord gave us for those who walked beside us. It is true that a lot of the people I do not know their names even though they are aware of who I am, therefore natually a lot of the loved ones passed I would have never lay eyes on; yet it is also true that those loved ones that have passed are still there shining through those who took the token of compassion, token of love to come together to remember. 

There is a time to be comforted and a time to come and give way into a great kind of comfort. Like that song of given ness running under and through the atoms of the universe… if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like noon day…

While embracing this time to be comforted I was aware of this shadow that seem to be present. It was confusion at its finest, running deep into the turmoil of peoples blood, questioning without words or ability to express.

... Why does it seem that secularism has over taken sacredness…. 

My heart cries out as I stood in the door way of the Lords house, Our One Family house! The Lord knows me so deeply even when thoughts cross me, I reminded myself that the Bible doesn’t say we have to be thankful for all things. But the Lord ask us to be thankful in all things. Calling forth a little light to find something to be thankful for, to help look at the bigger picture. Asking for a dismissing of the shadow that not only presence as noted yet its way of lingering into others spirits.

I so often smile with a sense of delight that the bible talks about sacrifice of praise and thanksgiving. These words never ring more true when you are stumbling through the valley of loss and searching frantically to find your way to the Lord. A sacrifice of thanks, indeed. 

“You are my God, and I will praise You; 

You are my God, and I will exalt You. 

Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; 

His love endures forever” (Psalm 118;28-29)

The Pslamist finds the words to articulate a true sacrificial offering of thanks. The original Hebrew language gives further insight into these verses. The words express a declaration or public confession designed to express praise and give thanks and to extol the Mighty One who is the Great One and the Judge. 

The sacrifice of thanksgiving says that even here, in this 'shadow', I will choose to believe the Lords goodness. These offerings preached to our souls that God is working for our good even when we cannot imagine it. Such gratitude expresses that all God’s ways are for us although we cannot yet see. Whether I feel like it or not, I can publicly confess that the Lord acts on my (our) behalf behind the hidden doors of heaven for our eternal benefit even as we wait for his to be made evident. 

When we echo the heart of the Psalmist in our dark nights of the soul, a pinprick of light breaks through. 

I stood in the gathering space… looking through the eyes of the beautiful people walking through the door with their invisible crosses on their shoulders some weighing more than others. Touching their hands gently with the gift of red heart love, the light felt warm. Dappled on their faces. There’s not much to say when you feel a holy change beginning; our broken night could become like the noon day. Light could rise in all this darkness - in us, in the ache of the unspoken broken heart, in the unspoken cross we come before. Light will rise in all this darkness - in us, we will begin here and trust that this will lead us; spending yourself is how you pay attention to joy; spending yourself is how you multiply joy. 

I was made for this. The universe was made for giving.

I recall reading an article by Lewis recently quoting him saying “Every Christian, is to become a little Christ. The whole purpose of becoming a Christian is simply nothing else.. it is even doubtful, you know, whether the whole universe was created for any other purpose” 

We exist to be Little Christs. 

Not little ladder climbers. Not little control freaks. Not little convenience dwellers. Not money seekers. Simply little giving Christs. Not ever in a way that’s divine, but simply, always and in every way, disciples!