His love letter forever silences any doubts

I'm back home once again and have been thinking of posting a blog for a few days yet just not sat to let the fingers dance over the keyboard. 

It feels like a lot has happened from sitting in church going on a journey within, on hearing the wedding in Cana scripture. 

I have been away on retreat in Adelaide, South Australia at The Monastery over there. The retreat itself was rich and fruitful. Apart of me wishes to say it was as easy as typing words, yet putting my heart and soul under construction in order to prepare me for what the Lord has planned in my future, 'easy' would not be the word I would choose. I have come out a better disciple of Christ, the Lord knew what he was doing, and that's all that matters. The Lord knows what He wants to do with my life, even when it gets a little foggy and complicated while the Lord breaks down all the walls between Him and I, just need to remember what Jesus said to Peter "What I am doing you do not know now, but afterward you will understand" (John 13:7) 

There are many blog post that could be written taken off my notes from retreat, however as I sit typing not even the sisters have shared in the fruit just yet. 

Adjusting after retreat should be titled a retreat in itself!! Walking in a bubble that everything is seen with a different beauty, awareness and having that vision crash into with a focus of glaring harshness of an abrasive world it would be easy to loss central focus. It would not be unforgiven to learn the world, everywhere, is pocket with scarcity - shortage - . Leaving me with a hunger for filling the world that is starving… 

From the garden at the beginning, o how the Lord had a different purpose for us all. His intent, since He bent low gently breathing His life into the dust of our lungs, kissing us into being, has never been shy of orchestrating our ruin. YET in this, He does have a surprise or secret purpose. Just open His word and His plans, as startling as they are, lay barefaced just awaiting the eye to see, the journey path to be walked upon. 

It requires revisiting, reading over and over, feel across the words making sure they are real. His love letter forever silence any doubts.

"His secret purpose framed from the very beginning to bring us to our full glory" (1Cor 2:7)

He means to rename, return us to our truest selves. He means to heal our soul holes. Just like the soul is a salt shaker with the holes in the outer dark spots in the soul. 

From the very beginning, that Eden beginning, until today, His secret purpose - our return to our full glory; since we took a bite out of the fruit and tore into our own souls, that drain hole where joy seeps away, Lord had this wild secretive plan. 

When you reach a point of been - Hungry. Eating. Filled… and Emptied - and still look at the fruit and see only the Lord, something in the heart has moved. 

Apart of me at times feels in a haze of vision, the heart is trying to latch onto the beautiful and unique way of seeing the Lord creation while the head tells me 'reality' or truth that its been taught. The battle continues…

Closing my eyes at night with the nightlight shinning in, the stars remind me there is more than what is before me. Giving thanks with a heart of gratitude, sing praise and laying in the palm of the Lord as I rest. I awake refreshed to physically feeling it in my veins trembling, the hard pant of the lungs, seeing the steady light flooding the room as the sun climbs the horizon. Life has margins of its own. 

Leaving the mind to question The wonder? Why do I spend so much of my living hours struggling in intervals to see it? 

While in the peak of my intimacy with Christ, seeing his presence flash, the God-man with his own termination date, who came to save me from prison of fear and guilt and depression and sadness. With an expiration of less than twelve hours, what does Jesus count as all most important? 

I only need to turn to the alter - take bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to his disciples… 

All eyes can only but be fixated on the faith that binds my soul, that lets my heart cry for its Creator. 

Taking a deep breath, the head is lost… realization that the questions rise only dig deeper in the heart…. "Is the height of my joy dependent on the depths of my heart?" "might that make the meaning of everything" "how to live out" Thanks is the greatest gift of all, the holy grail of joy is not in some extreme hard to find or reach place. The wonder is here, joy, in the messy, piercing ache of now, joy is possible! All stars a line to make a constellation in the dark. A whisper that is released letting the tongue feel the sounds as they ear hears their truth…. penetrating the mystery is like discovering galaxies, there is always more…. 

I arise, letting the light dance before me, new beginnings, seeds to be nurtured. Breaking morning bread between my fingers and letting the words sink into me, one word working and another… I won't let it go, I'll enter into the mystery….