Beginner

I awoke to the windows rattling as the wind creaked through the gap, it was most welcome in what felt like a sauna as I started to rise like the morning sun. The same wind blew me to church, feeling like I was walking on air opposed to the pavement. 

As we entered into the church, I was reminded of the virus having effect of people staying home, even though in what felt like the world’s largest, tallest dome ceiling church there is little contact with anyone. 

As I could feel a sense of newest in my surroundings, awaiting to hear the familiar words of the liturgical prayer to echo through the church only to be greeted with an accent that run words together at a pace that one could easily think there was a fast forward button on the microphone. I had to smile, were we on a time limit; was there only limited air so had to try to last without taking breath or was I simply mislead in believing NZ people spoke faster than Irish… 

As communion time approached, I arised and headed forward, a man turn and said something again so fast that my ears could not make one word. In that moment I turned to a familiar face to get reassurance of the instruction to offer one hand, in one line. 

I realised that while I walk confidently as possible there is a sense that I don’t want to appear like I am new, rather I would like to seem like I belong there. 

You see? I’m a beginner. 

Maybe not in the sense of going to church, but in a hundred other things. I don’t want to tell someone when I am new at something. Why, I want to be an expert – perfectionist I hear ringing in my ears. Instead of admitting my newness, I like to pretend I’ve been doing it forever. The vulnerability of beginning is not easily welcomed somedays. 

It takes courage to start something new, to begin again. I see the courage it takes around me in the stories of those I am privileged to walk with. Be it start a new skill, friends who just got divorced, others who are travelling or those going to a new land. To begin, taking that step, learning afresh how to trust the Lord and in other people. Vulnerability is courageous. 

Zechariah 4:10 tells us, 

“Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin….” 

In this season like so many of us, new beginnings are all around. We simply turn towards nature to see new beginnings, as the environment response to the impact from us humans or even in the invitation that comes with the rising of the sun.

The truth is, each of us is at the beginning in our own way. Don’t despise your small beginning; the Lord is rejoicing to see you begin. 

And I think on this day, the Lord is rejoicing right alongside the fast forward microphone, the community who gather, the individual who takes that step, courageous and vulnerable with chose to bravely begin.