David reflection

My head rests gently on the soft cotton pillow, the light sheet covers me to my ears as the dark descends upon the room. My eyes gaze peacefully looking at the lizard that is peacefully resting on the roof. I gaze out the window with awareness of the unknown creation actively wake and moving about as I drift off to thoughts of a little familiarity in the situation. 

Laying on a feather pillow, window open with a gentle breeze coming to welcome the dusk inside my room. The night life active with sounds and awareness of their presence as my body gives way to sleep, in comfort, in peace, in love. 

How many times in the recent days have I wanted to capture that feeling, that moment of pure innocence and safety I experienced so often on my journey, to live my days wholly alive and sleep peacefully in a house fully enveloped with love. 

I have been asked to make a liturgy for the community day this Sunday on transition. I am struggling to put together something, with awareness of wanting to offer hope, to give message of love and journey as one. I looked through Scripture to come across the Psalms where at this moment felt the same desire as David:

One thing I ask from the Lord, 

This only do I seek;

That I may dwell in the house of the Lord

All the days of my life, 

To gaze on the beauty of the Lord

And to seek him in his temple. 

For in the day of trouble

He will keep me safe in his dwelling;

He will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent

And set me high upon a rock. 

Psalm 27 : 4-5

David craves God’s presence and the safety of His home. He spent much of his adult days running and defending himself from his enemies. I share on one level David’s homesickness, and cry out to the Lord of protection, I too, sense a non stop running exhaustion in the spiritual battle as I long to rest in the lords house. 

This current season of life at the moment feels weary somedays as I struggle to find my place, to build relationships and use my gifts to serve. I awkwardly lean into various opportunities that just don’t click. Awareness that the community building foundations for the future, for ministry to the people of the land is not in long run my place. While its a blessing, an honour to be present at times to feel, be feed by Elizabeth Prout spirit, I know within that this mission, this establishment of community is only a small stop for me on the journey. 

Technology is a beautiful thing that enables me to connect with friends around the world. Enables me to keep touch with part of the story that has been, that one day hope to reconnect. Sometimes those relationships feel like more nurturing, and love to give to them before we paths take us in different directions. At least through media able to continue them... Although all this brings a sense of loneliness and lostness as I venture into ‘new’ and uncharted territory. One might say its a matter of finding identity awareness with sense of wishing to be stronger, to wrestle moments of insecurity, or the sense of inner tiredness. 

Dwelling on Davids words, I am reminded that the Lord lets me rest in his palm and His presence meets me there. Tears form in the corners of my eyes and I am overcome with emotions as the moment long ago gives me a taste of what the Lords house will be like because in His eternal presence, we will be fully known by Him. 

We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!

1 Corinthians 13:12

For now, I mediate on these images and Scripture as I wait in his in-between space, trusting in the Lords love and acceptance to carry me through!