I want to love church... but I don't

From the depths of my heart I want to love church! 

i want to be head-over-heals for church like the unshakable disciple.

Send global sky writing airplanes telling the world of the life-change that happens beneath a Cross. (or steeple) I want to install a police microphone on top of our car and drive the streets screaming to the masses about the mystical Utopian community of believers waiting for them just down the street. 

Oh how I want to desperately feel this way about church, but I don’t in this moment… 

I have in the past and love this feeling, its like your been so blessed, your heart is overflowing and you just want to go shout from the street front. I often think this is how the healed by Jesus felt, they had to return to their communities sharing the deep joy, transformation and life key. 

At the moment though, I identify more with Maria from “The Sound of Music” staring out the abbey window, longing to be free. 

Today is the first time I have been to weekend mass in our parish for over a month. I went into the church last night before mass only for a few minutes, to talk to the music youth where I found myself greeted with warmth, love and delight to see familiar ‘family’ again. 

It was heart renewing, easy the soul, in this time of gripping the deeper meaning of going to Mass opposed to the once reason of been head nourished by the homily and heart nourished by the people and Eucharist. 

Leaving me questioning if I am asking for too much to have a little balanced? 

Ohhhh how blessed I have been on my faith journey to always have a rich nourishment of both head and heart at church. The alarming awareness of the lack of is most likely out of portion to how it might otherwise be. 

In the recent weeks I have been thinking a lot about church, this deep inner belief that the church is not about the building, its not just about the people who come to the building rather its about Church - the people, the family community, wider community. I am sensing this is a very passionist way of thinking, feeling progressive in some circles. 

I guess its very easy in today present time to see why so many people feel the churches are actually causing more damage than good. A very large generalisation statement I would caution upon myself. The pure world damage, is opening up a debate in itself.

Sometimes I sit in meetings or gatherings, I look around for anyone in my age bracket. In truth at times it does not bother me, as I have been brought up around people older than myself. While at other times I can just witness the impact and questioning of what does this mean for our Church as a whole body. What does this mean for the individuals? Is been a Christian today a call that requires so much self seeking nourishment that puts a new level of where to find sense of Church, where to find Christ. 

There are moments, like at the recent youth formation weekend, a deep seated dissatisfaction grows within me and despite my greatest attempt to ‘whack-a-mole’ it back down, no matter what I do it continues to rise out of my weary frame. 

Despite the clear reality we are faced each weekend with the steep drop off in numbers, most churches seem to be continuing on with business as usual. Sure, maybe some add a food event here, or bowling night there, but no one seems to be reacting with any level of concern that matches this REALITY. 

Where is the “task-force” searching for the lost generation? Where is the introspective reflection necessary when 2/3 of the seats are empty at masses? 

In recent weeks I have a sense there is a feeling of questioning when a church forges ahead without ever asking for community input, the message that is received loud and clear; Nobody cares what we think!! 

Bring about the question of why then, should we blindly serve an institution that we cannot change or shape? 

I have spoken to this responding that really, its easily solved! Simply by having regular outlets, to discover the needs of the community AND outside the church too. With the invitation to serve on teams or advisory boards where difference can be made, voices can be heard. 

Its not about making Values and Mission statements - of course as an organisation its important to be moving in the same direction, but that should be easier for Christians than anyone else! 

BECAUSE if one has forgotten I will spell it out -  we already have a leader to follow!! JESUS!!

Jesus was insanely clear about our purpose on earth;

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this “love your neighbour as yourself” There is no commandment greater than these” (Mark 12:30-31) 

Love God. Love Others - TASK COMPLETED. 

(let me say this is no easy task, so simply spelling out is not as simply living this message, i am not watering down reality to black and white. ) 

Why does every church need its own mission statement anyway? Aren’t we all one body of Christ, serving on God? What would happen if the entire Church came together in our commonalities and used the same concise mission statement? 

Oh wait - have we not already done this!!!???

Leading me to ponder deeply on the question that brings a little sense of sadness with it - what has our institution or Church become? 

If you look at the number of hours spent on ‘church-type’ activities - bible studies, mediation, rosary, adoration, planning meetings, meetings of all forms, talking about building community, discussing a new mission statement….. 

Then look at the number of hours spent serving the least of these! ……. 

IF numbers are not equal then perhaps better Bible comprehension is required, or revisit the universal church mission statement like i say above.  

“If our lives do not reflect radical compassion for the poor, there is reason to wonder if Christ is in us at all”  - Radical book by David Platt. 

Its time to stop creating more ‘Christian activities’ Community happens best in service with a shared purpose. How about surveying members of the community asking them what injustice or cause God has placed on their hearts. Then connect people who share similar passions. Create space for them to meet and brainstorm and then sit back and watch what God brings to life. 

Its time to realise that we are not in an era of preaching, we have fingers that open up a world of millions of Youtube videos, podcasts, blogs, news inputs any time of day or night. 

For this reason, the currency of good preaching is at its lowest value in history. 

Church craves relationships, to have someone walking beside us through the muck. To be authentically invested in our lives and future. There is a desperate need for the church to tell us we are enough, exactly the way we are. No conditions or expectations. Love is just one prayer away, one open of the heart and reaching of the hand. ts time that instead of preaching random, sometimes not related points, rather embrace us, see us, see the believers before you, giving some cheer and encouragement to chase our big crazy dreams! LISTEN, WITNESS and authentically BE WITH. 

Its time to focus on change! Changing perception of the church within the community and without. The neighbours, the city and the people around our church buildings should be audibly thankful the congregation is part of their neighbourhood. We should be serving. There needs to be an acceptance of reality and intentionally move toward living out our baptism call. 

It seems to me that complacences, irrelevant and approaching extinction. A smattering of the same people, doing mostly the same things they have always done, isn’t going to turn the tide. The people in the pews are just not interested in playing church anymore, they are real, possible solutions to filling our congregations with new life, with youth, young families, older people, all people from different walks of life. It’s obvious there is a lack of understanding the gravity of the problem at hand and seems the church is not as nearly as alarmed as we should be able the crossroads we have found us upon. 

Maybe Im just another voice in the bucket stating what has been said in so many different words. Its time we start to action, start to see that the four walls of comfort is a far cry from what Jesus came to teach us. That same Jesus who we gather together in thanks and renewal each Sunday to break bread and become transformed just as Jesus taught us. Its time we reach out to those in our community who are listening to podcast, serving the poor, agreeing with public opinion that perhaps church isn’t as important or worthwhile as their parents had lead them to believe. Its time to seek, build and break that cornerstone. Time to change the tide of not wanting to come to church to one of standing of roof tops and screaming to neighbourhoods. 

This starts with me, 

this starts with you, 

a small step with the grace of the Holy Spirit and change becomes.