Small is bigger than BIG

If my blog was a book, it would be sitting under a pile of papers or stacked neaty on the shelve collecting dust. Modern technology allows it to easily just sit waiting, left in a space where it is open yet closed all at the same time. 

The lack of activity might be a sign the busyness of life demands all my time; while reality is its more a sign of my unwillingness to share openly with the world and at times admit to myself my venerability and struggle. 

The small little blossom breaking through the soil is me! I have broken through the soil then feel like have had a transplant to new garden bed with the same surroundings. The uneasiness of the roots to attach to its source has left the petals leaning in different directions reaching for light when it gains a glimpse of it yet balance to stand straight is yet to be attached to.

Easter came and went, my first easter celebration in the parish here… honest reaction was that I felt I missed it! Missing the yelling Hallelujah, the deep intimacy of the fasting journey, the time of the year when my all-or- nothing personality is so embraced in the most positive way by the WHOLE community, the whole universal church.  

It was not until Easter Sunday, that I got to actually sit with the Sisters in church … this moment in our church celebrations, or rather on our calendar that is a 

'BOOM SHAKA LAKA' moment (in youth terms ;o) ) 

His resurrection, the most pivotal moment in human history, our Christian faith. Jesus either rose from the dead or He didn't; no grey to the matter, no in the middle doubting it is fact!!  

Here … in that moment  - 'all-or-nothing' being embraced while I was trying to remove the feeling of a light midst upon the soil, in a time of drought, unlike every recollection of this celebration season which was more like a flood! 

Overflowing abundance lifting my spirit, nurturing in a deeply imitate way… 

A few days later, nursing the body and spirit it daunt on me.. that awareness of an innate hunger to be noticed, to be seen, to be known. 

I think its evident in all of humanity, even in the most introverted of people to crave a little bit of attention. Sometimes, what feels like, is a desires to do something BIG. Not big and bad, necessarily, rather that kind of bigness that looks like starting a domino effect of change in peoples lives, or creating a movement; encouraging systematic change; speaking engagement or be gifted new friends….

Feeling like unable to turn there is only one 'person' in front of me that I seek to see so much more validly. See in rawness, in purity without any of the man made tint that seems to add another lens to filter through. 

It occurred to me that when Jesus was on the scene, it was perceptive that He would overshadow the ministry of His cousin who had been baptizing people too. John though, he replied saying "Listen, my job right now is to step aside and let Him take the lead. I've got to decrease so that He can increase"

Awaking in a world of more, more more in so many different context, what would happen if I woke to a day seeking less, less, less? Less me. More God. Less likes. More love. Less grandstanding. More grace. Less power. More peace. Less self glorification. More Kingdom. 

…. 

I don't know, call me crazy! Maybe if we let God decease us, He might also increase our ability to really see the people around us, especially those whose only desire is to be noticed, to be seen, to be know. Is it possible to move away from 'little' when it is the absolute key for doing BIG things in the kingdom of God!

Time continues to move, the journey seems to halt while rather that stirring within the heart is making growth a lot more faster than known in the moment. At the moment I tend to soak in the midst that falls upon me and try gripping onto what I know. Sourcing for sight to see the net around me, see not those oversize mammals floating around the deep ocean beds, rather the beautiful rich blue sea where the storm continues above as below. 

"The winds obey Me. So one thing I ask of you again and again is ; DO NOT BE AFRAID, TRUST ME" 

And in that moment a connection is made, heart to heart in a deep language that only transmits this way sending a message to the head - even the storming winds obey Him, what does that teach you ha!  …. our storms are not, can not, be bigger than our Lord. Oh the hearts starts to pick up on a chord, plucks away the chord echoing another, starting a melody of a reality that Jesus didn't just calm one storm, He calm all storms!

There it is… there is the rock I have been searching for in the past few weeks…. 

Exhale comes… breath realized and giving it all to the Lord to gain some rest, the deep, carrying rest of the Lord who can calm every known storm! A moment to breath, collecting the heart to enable the Spirit to start to move within once again….