Garden lessons continue… learning how to prune!

This afternoon I have wanted to post a blog, yet am struggling to know what to write!!

There are so many joyous events that have happened and about to happen, all leave me with a huge heart full of gratitude and small "magical sparkle" within that is slowly starting to beam outwards.

- so I hope and pray-

As I am gently reminded that spring is not too far off; I am still in winter mode in more ways than one! Lets not forget that winter has days of sun shine and even new life starting to peak through the grayness. 

Yet today… today I have that feeling that Im sure a lot of people get, when the world around you supports whatever endeavor embarked upon no matter how small or great. Where you can sense the Lord looking down in love and smiling upon you leaving the sense of light and awareness. Then the overwhelming awareness comes that there is a constant battle developing within you, a battle that continues within your brain, possibly effecting the body, emotions, outlook!

There really is nothing worse than feeling like Im my own worst enemy at times….. 

Please do not mis understand me, its not a "oh woe is me, all is horrible, nothing is right" nor a "I can't cope so I'll hide away or eat lots of chocolate" but rather a "… just a little tweak here and maybe a lot of tweaking there and you're back on track…" 

(These thoughts are always followed by a sharp questioning of what track? and also a shake to remind myself that the Lord hand crafted me out of Love!! - but still I am just human and think its normal at times to have these days!!)

One thing over the past few weeks that has hits me hard is vulnerability. 

I think its a little too bold for me to say the lesson has been a blessing! Right in this moment I am not sure I would say that, yet I would say that getting in touch with the layer upon layer of emotions I didn't know existed nor I had within, until I finally decide to exist in my own self, acknowledge and embrace at times; does have a reflection of beauty to it. Its strange … raw ,,,, afraid to be in the moment and simultaneously terrified of NOT being in the moment!! Looking around wondering if things help or hinder not only myself yet others as well. 

.. Leading me back to vulnerability, the feeling of existing that leaves me sensitive to the world around me in all forms… Vulnerable … raw… yet Beautiful!!

I guess its like caring for a blossom! 

Sitting in church on the weekend I was making a list of the things I am looking forward to been able to see when I get my sight back. Jesus statue that oddly I can see three of at the moment which has importance in itself, yet look forward to seeing the new banners, people's faces and the flowers which always brings me close to creation and reminder of the almighty blessings the Lord has poured upon me as I think of the love ones back home.  

I recall with delight how my dearest friend would always have fresh flowers in her home. Often we would gather them together, remove the wilted petals, trim steams and replace the dirty water.  As I often think, just love them, give them love and they will blossom with a blissful glee… some might see it as a romantic waste of time, an inutility when every moment counts … 

Yet don't be trapped by foolish / naive thinking!!

Im starting to see how over the last few weeks I have prune my own blossom!. I believe this pruning act in an almost unconscious knowledge that to embrace life and live life anew one must prune and confront death; the death of wilted petals; the death in all forms of the word - not only for self yet for wounded 'soldiers'; refugees and victims of all "ism" - racism, sexism etc, the innocent victims of careless concern for life, the death of ones we've loved and lost. 

So pruning is like looking death in the eyes which can lead to a very tempting act to ignoring its power of been presented in the stillness, darkness and denying its presents only to confront it, prune it and choose instead to live. For me, pruning is acknowledging the power of the Cross and the hope for resurrection - that by Jesus death new life would come; that by Jesus facing death on the Cross eternal life was given for us all and the message of love that is ingrained on my heart goes deeper.

This morning when listening to the Gospel (Lk 4:16-30) reading thinking how would Christian react if Jesus stood at the pulpit speaking those words today? I think that for all who take the title Christians, followers of Jesus today - in year 2015 - can not continue to ignore the disconnect between scripture, words Jesus taught us and our world we live. No more ignoring death that is all around us, wiping aside the wilted petals and wounded hearts - I need not identify all the wilted petals as there are so many from people perishing on the open seas, refugees, victims, those who never get a chance at all, too many, how it hurts my heart to know there is just too many …. 

We must confront the death that faces our environment, that faces our heavy hearts, carrying burdens we don't share; from anxieties, worries and fears. I have come to this conclusion that it is only when we see death that we can then seek to prune, to pick, to clear our lives and our worlds of the wilted petals of the past that we will begin to live the lives God has planted for us, blossoming into brilliant colors we could never have imagined!!