The intimate journey awaiting this liturgical season

Advent has began today with a rather large weight for me, while in truth it just reflects the reality I am living in so left wondering why my expectations are unrealistically high in sharing or rather seeking a community to actually dwell in the depth, the rich spiritual nourish that the Lord pours endlessly over us. 

With a hard swallow, I realise that this year advent is an intimate journey, one that in some way prepares me for the coming year, one that allows me to hear the Lords blessings through each word we are given for the advent weeks. As I prepare for the coming richness that Mary herself would have felt within her womb of the coming in the unknown, I allow the heart to open to allow the pouring out for renewal. 

First gift this week is hope! Hope! Journey with Hope. What a difference this make. Hope can instantly turn thinking from negative to positive, can give a flicker of light in the heart of gripping something when in moments is not otherwise possible. Hope!

Looking back on the journey there have been moments, and still are, that I have had enough. 

I sit alone, curled up praying for the Lord to wrap his loving arms around me as I look around me. There is only so much strength a girl can display and hold within her. 

I have done everything I was suppose to do; I pray, I read scripture, attend Mass and serve in the mission I am present in and those online whose relationships interweave with ministry. Yet some days I feel like I have given God all I have and still have come up empty. 

Sometimes I look to Elijah with a sense of jealousy which is looking at the world without hope… He had felt the same way. After facing opposition from Queen Jezebel, he ran away into the wilderness, sitting until a solitary broom tree. (1Kings 19:4) 

- while I don’t think I am at the point of asking for my life to be taken away in the physical sense I can relate in the point of asking for the ‘season’ I walk in to end and I can also fully connect to that of seeing that I am no better than those who walked before me  or around me at times- 

The expression of this vulnerability is to illustrate the power of HOPE. 

It so true that so often the answer we want in prayer is not that of the Lords. I look at Elijah’s story again where the Lord didn’t answer Elijah’s request for death instead, he sent an angel to encourage him to get up, eat, and head out on a journey to Mount Horeb. 

Elijah then went on Mount Horeb where his biggest complaint was that of been alone. He saw how Jazebel had killed the other prophets of God, and he thought he was the only one left. They were coming after him now, and he felt hopeless. (1Kings 19:10)

I recently read Joan Chittsiters book - Now is the time - it was here she gave empowerment to prophets, with awareness of the isolation they walk in, awareness of the difference that ripples through their circles and create change at alarming rate. Yet to physically walk in this calling, which not everyone is, can never be underestimated of the depth of the journey, the reality of the isolation its that accompanies it. 

When Elijah complained to God, God didn’t answer him at first. Instead, He brought him up on the mountain. Elijah experienced a strong wind, a terrible earthquake, and a blazing fire. He didn’t hear God in any of those. It was only after those calamity had passed that Elijah heard God’ still small voice. (1Kings 19:21) 

As I embrace hope, I realises through my reflections while those moment the Lord allowed me to go through those dark time the same way He allowed Elijah to go through the wind, the earthquake, and the fire. Just like Elijah, in the midst of those troubles, it was hard to hear God. Yet, I found that if I could just grip onto hope that keeps the flame burning, hope is always waiting on the other side. God reminded me I am still His precious servant, His beloved daughter.